2015-Jun-22, Monday

All Fade To One

2015-Jun-22, Monday 01:39 pm
thisisdesire: GoddessTara (Default)
It has to start with every individual choice. This desire to do more, to be more, and to continue to move toward the things that scare me rather than hide from them. I am overwhelmed by all of the things that I want to create, shape, and take part in.

So, I saw this meme on Facebook. It said:

"It's easy to take off all your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams...Now that's being naked,"

While I can appreciate what the author was trying to say, I emphatically disagree. It can often take a tremendous amount of courage to be physically naked with someone, for any number of reasons. Allowing ourselves to be seen can be a frightening thing and in some cases can even be life threatening.

Oh, sure, for those of us who are capable of separating sex and emotional attachment, it can certainly seem effortless. However, even under the best of circumstances we all have those moments where there's a little too much light or a little too much space between ourselves and our lover/partner/one-night-good-time-bed-mate, and we end up feeling so much more exposed than we were prepared for when things began to heat up and move in this deliciously terrifying direction.

That's what it is for me, that moment when I am naked and staring into the eyes of my chosen, knowing that he/she/they see me. That moment where there is no possible way to hide because I am already baring all of my physical self, and while it may not be the same as baring my soul, I am still opening up. I am letting them into my space and trusting them not to laugh in my face and to stop whatever the fuck they are doing at the slightest indication that I might not be okay with whatever it is that they want. Regardless of how attracted I might be to someone, I am prepared to remove myself the moment the situation becomes rife with unreasonable expectations or unexpected creepiness while crossing my fingers that this will prove unnecessary and I can allow myself to safely share an intimate moment.

All of this is going on while we are simply removing our clothes. Regardless of body type or external perceptions of how attractive we may or may not be, we live with the fear of being judged and found wanting. We mask it with bravado and the illusions of arrogance and narcissism, or we shut it all off completely and fuck for no other reason but to feel something , anything, but the vast emptiness of a solitary existence.

This is not inherently bad. I have spent large chunks of time attempting to connect through physical contact or emotionally intimacy, and rarely combining the two. People come together (if they're lucky, and yes, pun intended) for all sorts of reasons, but ultimately, I seek to cultivate a receptive state of being that allows me to be vulnerable with another person. Partly so that they can feel safe in doing the same, but mostly because I fucking need it myself. I need to be known, to be bare bare bones. I need to have the opportunity to offer my throat and trust that it won't be ripped out. This is not just an emotional need. It is physical, visceral, and not for the weak or faint of heart.


2015-Jun-22, Monday 08:20 pm
thisisdesire: GoddessTara (Default)
When I say that you really suck at texting,
what I mean
is that you really suck at texting

I think it's because your hands are so big
and your fingers so long
that it makes pressing those
tiny buttons
more than a little

I remember the way
those same hands
felt inside me
You seemed to have
similar problems
ineptly fumbling
alternately hitting and missing
all of the places
that ached and begged to be pressed

At the time I thought
you were just a selfish lover
who couldn't be bothered to
properly learn my body

but in hindsight
I think you were just uncertain
too proud to ask for help
and trying like hell
to get your message across
the only way you knew how


thisisdesire: GoddessTara (Default)

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