thisisdesire: GoddessTara (Goddess Tara)
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I am back again with more lovely talk of lovely poetry videos by the lovely Dia Davina.

The first is called "U-Haul".
The second is called "Cinnamon Hearts".
The third is called "Unicorn Love Child".

The last one is about best friends and the notion of platonic life partnership, which reminds me a lot of my former best friend. We almost got married once. We talked about it, but then we didn't actually do it because it got weird, but what never got weird was the way she always knew exactly what I was talking about any time I said anything, regardless of how random or obscure. I took that shit for granted and became complacent, forgetting for a while how completely non linear I can be because she GOT me. It's just not the same now. Other people may or may not laugh at my shenanigans, but regardless they lack the knowing smile and unconditional love and acceptance that always came with her smirk. I miss her so much.

I don't miss the way she would argue that the use of the word "retarded" really wasn't ablest or the way she would drink too much and show her ass, but insist that she absolutely did not have a problem with alcohol. I don't miss her complete lack of accountability or the way she called me abusive when I called her out on shitty behavior that had been going on for a really really REALLY long time.

It feels so strange to love and miss someone that I currently have no desire to share space or spend time with. We've all done it. It's not new or unusual. All I know to do is to continue to hold space for her inside of myself in the event that at some point things change and move in a more harmonious direction that brings us both back to each other. No conditions are permanent.

So far today, I have meditated, done half an hour of Yoga, and watched three delicious poetry videos. I am on this kick right now, where I feel like I need to watch everything I can by Dia Davina before I move on to someone else.

My body is feeling much better after the yoga. I have been struggling with getting that ball rolling, and it kinda hurt at various points throughout, but in that good way. That stretching out sore muscles and snap-crackle-popping things back into place sort of way. It was thirty minutes of slow movements and deep breathing and I was surprised by the thin layer of moisture coating my skin by the time I was finished.

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thisisdesire

July 2015

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